Helena Mary Cole

On Tuesday evening the following week, when four o’clock came, Jay walked into the east living room, in full baseball uniform and said, “Practice got cancelled because of the rain. My mom’s here visiting Aunt Fiona, so I figured I might as well tag along and see what you’re doing, Sash.”

Alex was watching TV. He now grabbed both sides of his head, pulled his hair straight up and said, “Jay, just so you know, I thought you weren’t coming, so I told Sandy she could come over and we could do our math homework together. She’ll be here in half an hour.”

Jay flopped down on the other end of the couch. “Keep your hair in, I’ll behave myself.”

“The problem is, you’re either lying, or else you have good intentions but you always blow it, or maybe ‘behave yourself’ means something different to you than it does to me.”

“This right here is why you and Sandy need me: you have to learn what it means to get picked on.”

“No, you’re the reason why they’ll be carting me off in a straightjacket at my young age. I told her specifically you wouldn’t be here. And what are you going to do anyway? Watch us do math?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll let you do your math. I’ll just, I don’t know, play video games or something.”

Alex regarded him distrustfully. There was nothing he wanted more right now than to put an end to the insanity between Jay and Sandy, when suddenly he hit inspiration: he clicked off the TV and said, “Come on, Jay, you and I are going to settle this right now and we’re going to do it by arm wrestling.”

“Arm wrestling?”

“Yeah. If I win, you have to be nice to Sandy—really be nice. That means no arguing, no name calling, no saying or doing anything that would in any way push her buttons.”

Jay was clearly unenthusiastic about this idea but he also seemed to be considering the idea. “What happens if I win?”

“You can live by your definition of behaving yourself.”

Jay laughed. “No-no-no-no. If I win, I get to say whatever I want to her.”

“Exactly. Let’s go.” Alex had transferred from the couch to his wheelchair while they talked, so he wheeled over to the computer desk.

Now Jay looked at him suspiciously. “What’s the catch here?”

“No catch,” Alex put his right elbow up on the table with his hand open, and raised his eyebrows at Jay, waiting for him to come.

Jay hesitated. “Let’s do it left-handed.”

“Fine,” Alex switched arms.

“Just so you know, Sash, I bat left-handed,” Jay smiled at him impishly as he crossed the room and pulled up one of the desk chairs so he was sitting across from Alex. “I pitch left-handed, too.”

Alex hesitated. “That’s fine with me, Jay.”

“Are we putting everything on one go or are we doing best two out of three?”

“Are you scared?” Alex taunted.

“I want best two out of three.”

“Just get over here and get your arm up on the desk.”

They fought. Early on, Alex realized that they were actually pretty evenly matched, and he experienced a moment’s worry. Jay had the same realization – he groaned and looked at Alex in surprise. “Holy smokes, Sash. I knew you were mad but I didn’t know you were going to Hulk out on me.”

Alex didn’t dare waste any energy on replying. In fact, even as Jay was talking, Jay’s hand inching toward the desk. Alex won in less than a minute. They were both a little out of breath but Alex looked rather pleased with himself.

Jay looked grumpy, “Get your right arm up. I said best two out of three.”

After Jay’s right knuckles rapped against the desk, Alex massaged his bicep in some relief. “There,” he said, watching Jay shake out his hand—Alex was pretty sure Jay’s knuckles must be smarting painfully. He grinned. “That settles that. I wish I’d thought of that earlier.”

“You knew that would happen,” Jay accused, “You set me up. I knew it.”

“I didn’t know that was going to happen,” Alex said, “But come on, Jay, you know I use my arms for everything.”

“Uh-huh.” Jay had been massaging his hand but now he stopped. Somehow, he knew this was it—this was his big chance to go from zombie to human, where talking about Alex’s disability was concerned. He wondered for a minute how he was going to start, and went back to shaking the pain off his knuckles. He noticed that Alex wasn’t leaving the computer desk, nor did it look like he was going to start doing something else, and what was more, Alex gave him an expectant glance. Well, Jay thought, if it’s going to be painful, at least it’ll be over. “Uh, Sash?” he said.

“Yeah?”

Jay scratched his nose. “Um…”

Alex leaned his elbow on the desk.

“I kind of have something to say to you.”

Alex smiled to himself. “Okay. What is it?”

Now Jay could see how ridiculous he was being. All the same, he looked at his knees and spoke in a low voice, “I’m sorry I’ve been acting so weird about you being in a wheelchair ever since… well, this whole time.”

Alex let out a huge breath. “Well, seeing as we’ve known each other for months already and that’s the first time I’ve ever heard you mention my chair…”

The air between them already felt clearer. Jay gained some more confidence and went on, “I know. I’ve been awkward as hell about it.”

“Thanks for saying that, Jay,” Alex said, “But I’m not sure it’s been entirely your fault. I don’t know if you noticed, but I was kind of intimidated by you for a long time.”

“You were?”

“Well, yeah, I mean, look at you. I’ve never been friends with one of the popular kids before.”

“You think I’m a popular kid?”

“Aren’t you?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. I guess you could say that.”

Alex smiled. “Well, anyways, I guess we’re kind of stuck with each other now.”

“Guess so,” Jay smiled back at him. “I wish Aunt Fi would be less smug about it but the deal is done.”

“Um. Why would Mrs. Newcastle be smug about it?”

Jay stared at him. “I thought… You mean, she wasn’t nagging you to start hanging out with me?”

Alex looked surprised. “No.”

“Well, she did it to me, the entire time I was coming over to mow the grass. Oh, she thought it would be so wonderful if we became friends,” he added in sing-song voice, muttering afterward, “As if this was some kind of TV special for six-year-olds.” He frowned at Alex. “I thought I never saw you around because she was feeding you the same line.”

Alex had been listening with a red face. But not wanting to talk about why he had avoided Jay at that time, he only said, in a half-wary, half-bewildered way, “She nagged you to be friends with me and you were running the other way?”

“Yeah,” Jay looked uncomfortable, sorry he’d brought it up, seeing how it might sound to Alex. “I thought you were in the same boat.”

“No.” Suddenly, Alex wondered why any of this should matter. He laughed. “What the heck are you even doing here?”

Jay was relieved, “I don’t know, Sash, I tried my hardest to avoid it.”

“We don’t even have hardly anything in common.”

“I know, right? I don’t know why Aunt Fi couldn’t see that.”

“Grown-ups can be so dense.” There seemed to be some danger of falling into more silence, so Alex quickly told him, “Anyway, is there anything you want to ask me about my disability, I mean, now that you’ve finally brought it up?”

“Um. What?”

Alex shrugged. “You know you can ask me anything you want about it, now that we’ve been friends for a while.”

“Oh. Well, I can’t think of anything.”

He stared at Jay. “Are you serious? Sandy wanted me to tell her everything there was to know about my accident, right down to what colour shirt I was wearing when I fell.”

“That sounds like her.”

After a little pause, Alex said, “Okay, well, if you ever think of anything…”

Jay suddenly thought of something, “How come you still wear shoes?” he blurted.

Alex was taken aback for a minute. There was a bit of a pause in which Jay looked at his friend as if he really wanted to know the answer to this, but Alex couldn’t stop himself from bursting out laughing.

Jay turned red, and when the laughing continued, he shoved Alex’s shoulder and said, “What? You told me to ask a question – it’s a question.”

Still laughing, Alex said, “It’s not the question, well, it is a little bit, but it’s more how you asked it.”

“Fine, keep laughing,” Jay tried to sound unconcerned, “I don’t really care about your shoes anyway.”

“It’s okay,” Alex began to settle down, “If you really want to know, I’ll tell you…”

Ten minutes later, Sandy let herself into the Old Hall through the kitchen. She finished closing her umbrella and stopped to wipe her feet on the mat. She took down her hood and greeted Mrs. Newcastle, who was standing behind the kitchen island, politely asking, “How are you doing today?”

Mrs. Newcastle was snapping the ends off a batch of asparagus with the usual deep crease between her eyebrows. But she smiled at Sandy, and said, “Everything’s fine, my dear, just fine. How are you?”

“Fine.” She was already halfway across the kitchen, trying not to drip all over the floor and mostly succeeding. “Well, I’m just passing through. Alex is expecting me.”

“Wait a minute, Miss Sandy,” Mrs. Newcastle stopped her, snapping the last asparagus spear, and wiping her hands on her apron. “I’d better tell you James is here today. Came unexpectedly with his mother—she’s in the big office now, talking to Parker. But I believe the boys are both in the east living room.”

Sandy had stopped in front of the hooks beside the east corridor doorway to take off her raincoat. She paused with her sleeves halfway down. “That’s okay,” she said in a tone that contradicted her words, “That’s okay. Alex said we could do our math homework together, but I guess that was just an excuse to come over anyway.” She hung her raincoat on the hook. “Jay’s supposed to have some sort of practice but I guess it’s raining too hard. I might have known he’d show up. Why today?” she added with a groan.

Mrs. Newcastle turned around and pulled a pan out of a cupboard, mostly to hide her smile. “You’re never safe from trouble till you’re dead.”

Sandy just flung her backpack over her shoulder and gave her a gloomy look on her way out the kitchen door.

Sandy didn’t exactly know why she did it, but she walked along the east corridor slowly and practically on her tiptoes. Maybe she thought she could put off the fireworks as long as possible if the boys didn’t even know she was here yet. As she neared the door-less archway to the east living room, she heard Jay’s voice.

“So, Sash…let’s say that…well, let’s say you met a girl, and… Well, say it was someday like ten years from now, and you wanted to marry her, and uh…”

Sandy’s breath caught in her throat and she stopped walking. Why in the world were they talking about getting married?

Alex interrupted Jay’s fumbling words with an abrupt, “Yes.”

“Um. What?” Jay seemed to be just as confused as Sandy.

Alex said, “Thanks for adding such an embarrassing question to the list, but before you come right out and say the words, because I know perfectly well what you’re asking, the answer is yes, when the time comes, I’ll probably be able to do that.”

Sandy’s face got hot. She gathered that Jay was finally having the conversation with Alex they should have had a long time ago, but this particular aspect of the subject was something she hadn’t dared to ask Alex about yet. Her feet were glued to the spot.

Alex was still talking, “My dad was worried about that early on, but they’re telling me that my chances of having my own kids someday are actually pretty good. You know, you’re the first person to ask me that.”

“Yeah, well, I’ll bet plenty of people wonder about it.”

“I’m sure they do.”

Sandy felt her hot blush start to recede but stayed put, thinking she needed a moment before she could safely interrupt them. She knew full well she shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but she couldn’t seem to help herself right now.

After a moment, Alex said, “Are you done with the questions now?”

“Um. I don’t know. I guess so.”

“D’you mind if I ask you something now?”

Jay sounded surprised. “Okay.”

“It’s okay if the answer is no.”

“No, I will not go out with you.”

Alex snorted.

Jay laughed a little bit. “Well, spit it out already, Sash.”

“There’s this guy in the city, his name is Andy Jones, and he’s always trying to get enough people together to play wheelchair basketball. I don’t really like basketball, but he never gives up asking me to come. I told him I might if I could find someone to bring. They play about once a month. Would you be at all interested in playing?”

Stunned silence. Sandy wished she could see what was going on.

Alex spoke again, “Don’t look at me like that, Jay, not all the kids who show up are paraplegics. You’re allowed to bring your able-bodied friends. The more the merrier.”

More hesitation on Jay’s part. “But I don’t own a wheelchair.”

“I know that. You just borrow one.”

A page swished. “I don’t know, Sash.”

“I said it was okay to say no.”

“Ask me again someday.”

“Maybe I will,” Alex said, “While we’re talking about sports, are you ever going to invite me out to watch you play baseball, or soccer, or whatever else you play?”

“You want to come out and watch me play?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“I thought you didn’t like sports.”

“It’s not exactly my favourite thing, but you’re looking at my sketchbook right now, and you’re not into drawing.”

Sandy heard the sound of a large page being turned. “Yeah, all right. You can come out to our first baseball game of the season if you want.”

“Can I bring Sandy?”

Out in the hall, Sandy simultaneously flushed with pleasure and filled with the dread of boredom. She didn’t like baseball, not watching it, not playing it.

Jay groaned.

“Hey—no groaning,” Alex said.

“But Sash, she’s not even here.”

“Why do you care if Sandy’s going to be there or not, seeing as you’d be out on the field while she and I would be sitting in the stands. You’d barely even know she was there.”

“Good point. But I think your dad would be more interested in coming than Sandy.”

“That’s true. My dad’ll be the one bringing me obviously, and now that I think of it, Sandy might not even want to go if we asked her.”

Torn between wanting Alex to ask her and not wanting to go to a baseball game, Sandy held her peace.

“Oh, all right. Go ahead and ask her, if you must,” Jay said.

Sandy had an impish desire to say yes, just to spite him. She suddenly became aware that she’d better stop eavesdropping now—the sensitive part of the conversation was over. “Ask me what?” she demanded as she strode into the room.

Both boys looked up at her in surprise, Alex with a worried-looking brow and Jay with narrowed eyes. Alex was still sitting behind the computer desk, leaning his head on his hand, and Jay was sitting adjacent to him, leaning back with his feet up on one of the desk chairs with Alex’s sketchbook open on his lap.

“Sandy. Hi.” Alex said. He looked at Jay sharply and then back at her.

“Hi, Alex. Hi, Jay,” Sandy put her backpack down on the desk.

Jay dropped his feet to the floor, freeing a chair for her to sit on. “Hi.”

Alex shoved Jay on the arm.

Jay closed the sketchbook, handed it back to Alex and said pointedly to Sandy, “How are you today?”

Sandy was so surprised, she didn’t sit down. “Did I miss something? What’s going on?”

“Nothing’s going on,” Alex said hastily.

“We were going to ask you if you wanted to come out and watch me pitch at the first baseball game of the season,” Jay said, still in formal tones.

Sandy frowned. This wasn’t the way she thought this conversation was going to go. “You’re asking me…”

“Sash was going to ask you,” Jay quickly amended.

She sat down and looked at Alex with a smile. “Really?”

Alex turned red. “I don’t want to sit there alone. My dad probably doesn’t have time to stay for the whole game.”

“When is it?” Sandy wanted to know.

Jay named the day and time.

“I’m pretty sure I’m free that day. May I bring a book?” Sandy added as an afterthought.

Jay snorted. “Well, that’s real flattering.”

Alex shoved Jay again and said, “Jay.”

“What?” Jay tried to keep his tone even. “What if she was doing some kind of performance and I asked if I could play online games the whole time?”

“He’s right, Alex,” Sandy said, “I’m sorry, Jay. I’d love to come out and watch you pitch.”

“You can bring a book,” Jay said, equally polite.

“I’m not going to bring a book,” Sandy said as she opened her bag and started extracting her math book.

Alex was so little used to them arguing in this way, he was looking between them with his mouth open.

Jay watched Sandy open up her books for a moment then he stood up and said, “All right, well, if the two of you don’t mind, I think I’ll go home and leave you to your math homework.”

Alex covered both eyes with his fingers spread apart, so that he was now looking at them as if from behind bars. He didn’t know whether or not to laugh.

Sandy looked confused but smiled at Jay all the same. “See you later, Jay.”

“Why, yes you shall. Good evening, Alexander,” Jay looked at Alex without remarking on the fact that Alex still had his hands on his face, then turned to Sandy and inclined his head. “Aleksandra,” he said. Then he picked his things up off the floor and headed for the door.

“Good-bye, Jay,” Alex said to his friend’s back. Jay acknowledged him with a wave and was gone.

When he was gone, Alex looked at Sandy without a word and opened up his own math book, which was just beside him on the desk.

Once Jay’s footfalls had faded away entirely, Sandy glanced uneasily at Alex and said, “Is he feeling all right?”

“He’s fine.”

“What were the two of you talking about before I came?” she asked, because nothing she’d overheard seemed to account for Jay’s sudden politeness.

“Oh, stuff,” Alex was now sharpening his pencil meticulously.

“What kind of stuff?”

Alex paused his pencil sharpening and gave her a frank look, “I arm wrestled him into being nicer to you, all right?”

Sandy turned pink. “What?”

Alex shrugged. “I was going crazy listening to the two of you argue all the time, and it seemed like the quickest way to solve the problem.”

She seemed to deflate. “I didn’t know you were going crazy. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Wasn’t it obvious?”

“I guess I never thought about it. But even though he’s the one who starts it every single time…” she stopped suddenly as she noticed the volume of her voice was rising. When she went on, she was calmer, “If you’d just asked me to stop, I would have. You wouldn’t have had to wrestle.”

Alex’s pencil kept going round and round in the sharpener. “Oh.”

“I’m sorry, Alex.”

“That’s okay.” He finally looked up at her.

“Could you arm wrestle him into talking less like someone from Downton Abbey? It’s giving me the creeps.”

“I thought you wanted to tie him up and ship him off to finishing school.”

“I did say that, didn’t I?” She sighed.

Alex had the sudden feeling the arm-wrestling match hadn’t really solved anything after all, but he let the subject drop and pulled his own math book, which was already sitting on the desk, towards him.

They dully put their noses into their books.